Okay so I have a problem. Not a large one by comparison to sickness in the family or financial struggles or marriage trials, but rather something that won't stop plaguing my thoughts.
I have a baby coming. Like, soon. My due date is in 3 weeks. Everyone talks about the absolute amazement and wonderment that comes with expecting a child...how much love and happiness come from that bundle of joy. Why don't I feel it? I actually think I remember feeling the same way with Abby. People would ask if I was excited and I would say, "Oh yeah! Totally excited!" but didn't really feel it on the inside. The only excitement I get is knowing that in a month this will be over and I won't be pregnant anymore. And I actually get anxious in a dreadful way thinking about having a new baby in the house.
Is this normal? I mean, I know you can say that my hormones are just messing with me and that once he gets here and my hormones go back to normal that it'll be okay...it just seems that my hormones would swing me the other way, ya know? That I'd be so caught up and emotional at the thought of having another child I would just want to bawl with joy. Instead I think about what I will have to go through in order to get him here, how my husband is never home, how financially secure we are not, how this summer he will be gone for 6 weeks severing all contact he has with his family, and how much I really do not want to do this alone.
I guess I'm just nervous. And anxious. A lot's going to change in my life very soon and I just hope I have the strength and energy and sanity to keep up with it all.
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6 comments:
For the record--YES, you are NORMAL! Really, you're just being realistic about what a new baby is going to mean for your family, and it's completely natural to have anxiety and nervousness about it. (And it's also very normal to just be looking forward to "not being pregnant anymore"!) Don't worry--those feelings of love and happiness will come--maybe when he's born, maybe when you hold him for the first time, but also maybe not until you're home and healing nicely or he learns to smile back, or you're getting more than a few hours of sleep a night--but don't feel bad if you don't feel that way right now because all you're feeling is that you're ready to pop! That's normal!
With pregnancy, it's never the same for everyone. I always heard people talk about the "nesting" instinct--you know, that desire to clean everything in sight right before you have the baby. Well, I never felt that! I just felt huge and tired and certainly in no mood to clean! So I worried "Oh, no--I'm such a bad homemaker and mother--I don't even want to clean my house for the new baby like EVERY other woman does!". But of course, that really didn't mean anything was wrong with me--it just meant that my body--hormones or whatever- was responding differently than others'.
Sorry for the long comment, but I just wanted to tell you to hang in there! Things will go alright, and if you take it one day at a time, you'll find that you're definitely capable of doing all that lies before you in the next few months. And moments of joy and peace will come in their own time and way and will be so precious to you.
Good luck with everything!
Chill yo you'll be fine! Yes I am sure your hormones are totally messing with your body and mind right now. Hormones can do CRAZY things to you. I was listening to the radio the other day and this lady called in and was saying she was extremely depressed, so bad to the point she stopped showering...turns out she didn't have enough testosterone in her body. Took testosterone pills and she felt so much better. Having a baby is no easy task in life and in this day and age anxiety is just a normal part of life. I take care of my anxiety by self-medicating ;) As far as Vic always being gone well I am sure it is because he is trying to better himself to be able to provide for you and the family BUT you two need to find a happy medium because always being gone is not going to be a healthy thing for your relationship. Oh and as far as not having money well join the club! If you waited until you were financially stable to have kids you never would haha! Anyways, hang in there...as 311 always says STAY POSITIVE AND LOVE YOUR LIFE!
You have lots of very valid reasons to feel anxious--and all of those reasons are happening at the same time.
Keep breathing, Sister. You are amazing.
I think it would be weird if you weren't feeling this way. Your right, a lot of change is coming your way, but a lot of help is on your side. Please, PLEASE, let me know if I can do anything for you. Even if you just need to talk.
I appreciate you guys so much. I feel better knowing that I have so many people on my side willing to help. I think once this leg of the journey is over, I will be okay. Just a lot of unknowns right now. Thank you for your words!
It is scary! Then there's the adjustment period, and there are so many things you're adjusting to. Abby can come over and play any time :)
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